Monday, June 2, 2008
I feel like an uprooted tree lately. On Sunday afternoon, I found myself at BRANGUS steak house in McAlester, OK. Squished away in a darkly light wooden booth, munching on onion rings which dripped with oil, I found myself feeling homesick.
(Notedly, the whole week I have been away from "home." I have been trapped...I mean...I have been privileged...to spend my recent days in small town in eastern Oklahoma. This town in so small, it doesn't even have a wall-mart. I am here for work and we've been busy running camps for about 150 students. playing games, shooting water guns, throwing oatmeal, teaching challenges, and listening to Jim Franks stories. One delightful refuge in the midst of this ilead fandango is the large and beautifully old Victorian home in which we sleep. Lyndsey and I have the best room. There are windows in the closet. A beautiful sitting room with windows in our room. AND a rocking chair. in which, I am rocking now as I type. )
but the feeling of homesickness startled me. I haven't felt that way in a very long time. A tight knot was tying itself in my belly. I felt transplanted. and the weirdest feeling of all, was the wonderment of trying to figure out exactly...Where is my "home?"
I don't feel at home in my parents homes. I usually feel at home at my apartment in Mineola, but my little abode is a complete wreck as I pack up to move out. All the faces of my life with OE this year have either left, or I am about to leave them.
I realized I was feeling anxious about the upcoming move to France and all the changes that are outside my control.
As much as I adore France, I haven't built myself a "home" there yet. (although I would like too!)
So currently I am a little "homeless." and I am wondering, will I ever find a place to rest my roots? or is my transient life a blessing in disguise?
Maybe I am an Abraham nomadically living and following God where He leads. Who knows where the next door will take me. I start to feel excited when I remember that. There are some surprising places yet to go. and there is a certain divine dependence that can only be learned living in a tent.